CHAPTER FOUR

Mrs Grose's rudeness toward me did not prevent us from being friendly with one another after our talk. When we saw each other again, after I had brought Miles home from the station, we got along quite well. Part of the reason for this was my feeling towards the young boy. When I first caught sight of him at the station, I had a similar moment to the one when I first saw little Flora. He too was extremely handsome. All of my fears and worries about him immediately left me then. Never in my life had I ever seen a child so special. He seemed so sweet and pure; I could feel only love for him. It seemed impossible to me that he could have been thrown out of his school. I felt truly angry with the leader who had sent the letter. I expressed my feelings to Mrs Grose.

"How could they do such a thing? There's nothing at all wrong with the boy!"

"I know. It's truly horrible," she replied, "What will you do?"

"I've decided not to bother answering the school with a letter of my own. I've nothing to say to those people!" I said angrily.

"And will you say anything to the boy's uncle, the man who hired you?"

"No, I won't!" I cried.

"What about the boy? Will you mention anything to him about it?"

"Not a word!"

"Wonderful! Together we'll support the boy and help him through this difficult little period of time."

"Yes, we'll do that!" I said offering my hand to shake in agreement.

We stood shaking hands for a moment, smiling very happily into one another's faces. Mrs Grose was so pleased that she asked for permission to kiss me.

"Of course!" I said, pulling her toward me and giving her a big hug. We were like the best friends at that moment.

Remembering those days when I first began my work with the children, I find it hard to believe the way that I let myself be influenced so easily. I was full of feeling for this boy, and there was no doubt in my mind that I could help him. I do not even remember the kind of classes that I had planned to teach him. Both of the children were extremely polite and easygoing. I was completely charmed by them. As a result, I became a less effective teacher. My image of them in the future was no different from the time I was teaching them. They seemed to me as if they would never grow older. They would never leave this beautiful castle of theirs or its gardens. Our lessons, therefore, became easier than I was used to. And we ended up spending a very pleasant summer together. Of course, now in looking back, that peaceful time seems more like the quiet before a storm.

At the beginning, I could always find time to rest at the end of the day, after they had gone to bed. During that time, I would walk outside around the gardens and listen to the birds sing just before the sun had completely gone down. I felt proud to be the master in such a lovely place. It felt good to be serving the wishes of that handsome young man who had hired me. Now he would no longer have to worry about the children. They were safe and being taught well.

It was a secret wish of mine, during these walks, to find a man, one day, in the garden. I knew it was silly and impossible, but I still wished for it to happen. I imagined that this man would smile at me, and that this smile would mean that he understood how good a woman I was. Then, it happened on one evening in June. I actually did see a man! However, instead of being in the garden, he was up in one of the two towers that stood on each side of the house.

I was so frightened to see him there, I almost cried out. He was a complete stranger. I did not recognize him at all. In that moment, it seemed that everything around me had died. No longer could I hear the birds singing. No longer did the wind blow. The sun had not yet gone down and the sky was still a warm yellow. I looked more carefully and found that I had not been imagining things. There was, indeed, a man looking down at me from the tower. I tried to think if there was anyone I had not yet met who worked at this house. I was pretty sure that I had met everyone. I was not close enough to say anything to him, to ask him who he was and what he was doing up there. He stood, leaning forward, with his hands on the railing that surrounded the top of the tower. Then he suddenly straightened and slowly walked to another part of the tower, never once taking his eyes away from me. He stopped and stared some more. After a short while, he disappeared into the tower and I did not see him anymore that day.

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